- Hi. I'm Karen. I'm an Adulterer.

Can I just come clean with you?

My husband left me because I cheated on him….more than once.

Okay. I feel better now.

Can I just do what I do best and go ahead and go for shock value?
The first time was with his best friend.
He says that this is the reason that he doesn’t let anyone become close to him now.

We had been married for less than six months. We were already struggling.  He deployed to Japan. His friend promised to check on me from time to time. His friend’s marriage was also shaky. Tom visited, we became close, and we became intimate. Guilt mounted quickly and we stopped fairly quickly. I confessed as soon as Comedy came home (I felt it was important to confess and apologize in person, not long distance). Tom’s marriage shattered and dissolved. Mine shattered and remained …. a hull of a union. That was 1985.

Around 1996, we were struggling enough that I took the children and left home for several days. We needed a little time apart. I went to a friend’s home.  While there, I allowed myself to have a drink and be alone with a man who was a mutual friend.  I was again intimate.

I can tell you that I was lonely ….
I was smitten with somebody showing interest in me ….
I could list many “excuses” for my foolish actions.
But, they would be excuses.

My actions were
wrong.
WrOnG.
WRONG.
W.R.O.N.G

One thing that I recognize with blaring clarity now is that, in both situations, I allowed myself to be somewhere I should not have been.  I put myself in a position to be vulnerable. I doubt I had ever read the verse in Corinthians about how God provides a way of escape when we are tempted. I am sure that God provided a way of escape,
but I did not recognize it.
I was unaware to look for it.
I’m sure it was there.
But, I was foolish and selfish.

You can know beyond a shadow of a doubt
that my children know this verse
and have been told to look for that “way of escape.”
We may change,
but the enemy does not.
Nor does my Lord.
I want my children to watch for snares
and learn to avoid them while they are young.

Today I choose not to ride in a car with a man alone,
not to allow a man to come into my home unless the children are here,
not to be in a room with a man when the door is closed.
I don’t let conversations go places they should not.
I do not email/chat with men who are friends often,
and when I do, if the talk is in anyway flattering,
I bring up the man’s wife.
If I have to, I ask if the wife would approve of what was just said/written.
And, if need be, I stop the conversation altogether.
I don’t want to even give the APPEARANCE of being inappropriate
and I won’t allow myself to be tempted even the slightest bit.
I absolutely will not toy with my own emotions
OR allow the enemy to use me to destroy another marriage.

My children know about my poor choices ….
my shortcomings …
my sins.
I think it’s important to be as real as we can …
especially with those that need to know that we’re all human – our children.
We all fail.
We all make bad choices at times.
And we all need mercy, forgiveness and compassion.

And when situations arise where I am tempted or put in an uncomfortable situation,
I come home and tell my big kids about it.  It helps keep me accountable
and helps me share real life examples of how to handle an escape.
I’m open to suggestions on how to better handle a similar situation in the future
and always eager to hear the male perspective that my wise son often shares.

And it has allowed sweet Glory to share her stories with me.
She has had more than one situation arise that she has needed to have these skills.
And many, many, many more will come for her. I know.
I’m glad she’s home so we can talk these through as she practices her breakaway tactics.
She needs to be highly skilled in today’s world of “anything goes.”

I have been thinking for quite some time about writing a post like this.
I want to thank Sarah Markley at The Best Days of My Life for her honesty.
After finding her blog this morning ….
and stumbling across her post,
I knew that this was something that I must do.

In my confession to you
I’ve tried my best to be open, honest and forthright.
I have tried to weed out every sentence that makes me sound like
there was some reason that what I did was acceptable.
My actions are not acceptable …
though they are forgivable.
I’ve tried to be sure you understand that I take full responsibility for my actions
and I do not blame my husband in any way, shape or form.

Comedy thinks that my blog posts sound
“holier than thou”
and “woe is me.”
That is the LAST impression I would want you to have
when you navigate away.
I try to be transparent.
I have shared in my past writings
with you that I know that I’m a mess of an individual…
judgmental, selfish and sinful…
impatient, sometimes without compassionate and self-control.
I search for God and cry out to him to show Himself to me.
I ask Him to shine a light on the sins in my heart
that I can turn from them
and learn from my mistakes.

I just needed this to be out in the open ….
for conversation ….
for sake of honesty
and accountability.
And so that he can know
that I am not ashamed.
Apologetic and saddened, yes.
But, I will not hide my sins.

For there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. Rom 8:1

Thanks for listening. Thanks for reading.

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• May 7, 2010
• Detachment & Divorce, God & Wondering, Uncategorically Me
• 11 comments