Why me?

Do you ever ask yourself, “Why me?”

   

I wonder how it happens that I have lived my life fairly unscathed.  Some people plan things for the weekend … to find that their plans have been ripped from them lives
as their house burns down,
they lose a child,
their spouse walks out,
they are fired from a job
or are involved in a car terrible accident.

I have a friend who has been trying to adopt a child for quite some time. She and her husband were thinking internationally then stateside.  The Lord kept closing doors and then she became pregnant, only to find that she has lymphoma.  She is currently going through chemotherapy treatment while carrying a precious little one. She is a homeschool mom to four.

Another dear, sweet-spirited homeschooling friend struggled with her health off and on for some time and was then diagnosed with leukemia.  Within nine months of her diagnosis, she was gone, leaving behind an adoring husband and two children under nine.

Then there is my son’s Scout Master, George, who planned to move into a new house with his sisters over the weekend.  He had lunch plans with a friend for Wednesday. He bought a new car on Tuesday.  When he drove it home, he lost control and was killed. That quickly, his life ended and those close to him were uprooted emotionally and permanently changed.

Josh Buck, a strapping young pastor,  went on an exotic trip (to the Bahamas, I believe) with his wife and some friends.  Their first adventure upon arrival at the hotel was to the water for a swim.  Josh dove into the waves and was pushed down into the sand by a freak current.  This left not fully, but almost completely paralyzed.

My own father has recently fought a battle with bladder cancer.

Leigh Ann’s pre-teen son, Nathan, began to vomit back in the fall. For a few weeks, doctors tried to pinpoint his illness.  After several weeks, they found a brain tumor.  Another homeschool Mom with four students at home found life in an upheaval as she and her husband split responsibilities – one caring for children at home and one escorting Nathan three hours away on Monday and returning home on Friday.

When I ran into Leigh Ann at the ball field some weeks ago
trying to function as “normally” as possible,
she put into words what I’ve often thought for others.
She said,
“Sometimes I think, ‘Lord, I just can’t take it any more. I just want to quit.’
Then I remember
that quitting is not an option.”

That’s such a poignant statement. Yet … for some ….  quitting is an option.  Suicide is attempted and even successful for some.  But, that is a route “out” that creates a new set of far deeper, far greater struggles on such a wide range of people
that it …
well…… it shouldn’t be considered an option.

And of SO much more importance is that
if we believe that nothing happens to us that God doesn’t first authorize,
then can’t we also believe that nothing will happen to us
that He won’t also carry us through?We have no control over our
surroundings,
situation,
money,
spouse,
friends,
car,
or job.
We cannot control
seasons,
wind,
rain,
fire,
or
tragedy.

We can only control our reactions to
those things allowed in our lives.
I can be mad at the things that have happened TO me
or I can ask God to use those things to make me
stronger,
more patient,
compassionate,
or giving.

As I look back on my married life,
I  have spent many years reading books,
newsletters and blogs,
searching for answers,
asking for guidance and wisdom,
from man and God
on ways to be a better
wife, mother, friend
and servant to the One who Owns it All.

A few years ago,
God told me to get rid of all of my
marriage help books.
I needed to focus on HIM,
not on what man says I should or shouldn’t do.
And so I have.

I’m thankful.

That request has moved my focus so that today
though I am alone and divorcing,
I am not devastated.
I was prepared ahead of time
to focus on Him not my situation.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt,
that the One who has
unfailing love
offers it to this unmerited woman
and I am not alone.

While my life has not been riddled with
death, sickness or injury
I have had struggles that have drawn me closer to Him.
And I am thankful for the life I’ve been given
because I am who I am because of where I’ve been.

Praise be to God.