Loosening Apron Strings

My homeschooling mother’s heart is in peril. Today is the day.  School begins.Having lunch after another immunization shot at the hospital last week

This is what must be done.  That I may finish school and work, Joy must go to a building full of 450 children and be taught, instructed, befriended, directed and led by others.  I must go to school and then get a job because I am now alone. I’m not the first woman to be in this position. I’m not the first homeschooling mama to be in this position. That doesn’t make it okay with me. It doesn’t make it natural. It doesn’t make it any more easy.

But, I know that nothing happens in my life that doesn’t first get God’s okay.
While not His first choice, He has allowed it.

It seems so unnatural … this letting go … of my child so young.

It is too early.

This child of mine                     ……… she’s only nine.

We went to Open House on Wednesday evening.  The school is beautiful and right around the corner.  The teachers were nice. The books were nicely laid out on the desks, waiting for the children to come and dive into them. But, I won’t be there.

I won’t be there to encourage her along. I won’t be there to talk to her about unkind words spoken, prejudices lived out or foolish decisions.  We will have to talk about these topics when they come up in conversation at home long after the event has passed.  Many opportunities will be lost.

That is homeschooling:  living with family (home) and teaching (schooling) at the same time. The picture:  a mom, wearing the proverbial apron, with children at her side.  I believe it is important. For me, the choice to homeschool was a little about distaste for government control, a little about dislike for the teaching of certain topics against my beliefs and somewhat about  protection of innocence …. but A LOT about wanting to instruct and mold my children’s character as they grow and develop because I believe it is my God-given privilege and responsibility. You absolutely cannot do that at a distance or in three to five hours in the afternoon and weekends.

But what I believe, does not matter. I do not have a choice.  Rather than her letting go of these strings because she’s ready to reach for other things and venture away from my side, I have been forced to drop the apron to the floor. It will lie pooled at my feet by days end.

But, I trust.  As I know that God has allowed this,
I know He, too, will be faithful to fill in the gaps
and use this for Joy’s good
and His glory.

And so we prepare.  It’s 6:17 and she’s been up since 6:00. Excitement quietly wafts through our home. She’s marking last minute purchases. Her tousled hair that finished drying while she slept is now awry and a yawn graces her face. As I snap shots, she asks, “Please do not take photos of my crazy mane … I’m such a bedhead.”

Be thinking of us throughout the day, would you?
Thanks. And blessings upon you.


3 thoughts on “Loosening Apron Strings

  1. I loved this post — and hated it all at the same time. I love it because of your beautiful writing and the picture you paint as you share this painful/exciting/vulnerable event in your lives. I hate it because my heart literally hurts with you after reading it and my eyes have welled up with tears. Through your sensitive words, I feel a lot of what you are feeling.

    With your talents and gifts, maybe you should look for work as a writer/photographer? Possibly something that can be done from home or with more flexible hours, so that you have more time for mothering (and fathering) your precious children.

    May the Lord grant you PEACE in the storm,


    1. Do you remember that I love to scrapbook and create cards?
      I can make anything from paper.
      My love of creating with paper
      led me to a desire to create on the computer’s flat screen.
      I hope to one day incorporate
      photos that I’ve taken with
      text I’ve written
      with illustration that I’ve created
      that would include incredibly fun & inventive font styling
      to make web pages
      that I will orchestrate from home.
      That’s the plan…
      not my first choice
      (which would be focusing completely on my sweet Boo,
      the only child left that is school age)
      but my first choice
      given my situation.
      May God prepare me fully : )
      Thanks, Elizabeth… blessings upon you!!


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