Not this soon

Christmas.

That is when I expected to hear these words.

Not twelve days in.

My Homeschool Mom heart rejoices.

My Reality Check Heart is heavy.

In conversation with Joy on Monday afternoon, she admitted that she really didn’t like public school.  I expected that the newness would wear off.  I expected that she would eventually miss home and with it, the freedom to learn, do, create, explore, build and just “be” there. But, I had not expected the statement to come quite so soon into the year.  Not twelve days in.

But, this is what we must do right now.  It’s where we are.  We have no real choices.

I’ve seen good things happen even in these twelve short days.  Joy is taking responsibility for her school work more than she did at home.  She is caring a little more about NOT spending the day as a bedhead and she is brushing her teeth. She’s doing a great job of getting herself up in the morning and being ready on time.

I’m praying for her every morning before she leaves for school.  We stop and sit, hold hands or I wrap my arms around her and I pray over her and for her. I pray that she will be a blessing to those around her and that she will stand out and be a light … she will be different in a good way and others will see a reflection of Christ in her.   I’m praying for wisdom for her with her words and that she will pay attention and learn a great deal. I’m praying for stamina and peace and joy and discernment.

It is so sad that it took her going to public school for me to be faithful to do this e v e r y d a y without fail.  I will not let her walk out unprotected by my pleas for her protection and His covering. Being at home with me all day does not mean that she needs God any less.  I kneel humbled at my laziness and thankful for God’s faithfulness in our lives … even when I have failed to be faithful to remember to ask for it every single day in the past.

And so, my Homeschool Mom heart breaks.  I want to be home, but cannot.  And now, I’m even wanted at home by my student, but it’s irrelevant. For now, this is where we are and this is what we do, as difficult as it is.

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