Please don’t make things hard, Lord

<grimaces> It is almost with  …..    hesitation ….. that I type out this post.

Have you ever had a really odd feeling in your gut?
You know … that visceral feeling deep in your being
that you just thought something was going to happen,
but you didn’t know what … or when?

Long before I began blogging, I noticed that the many of the blogs that I followed had something BIG in their lives to write about. By “big,” I mean they had been diagnosed with cancer, had a child with a severe disability or had gone through several miscarriages.

I also noticed that several of them DIDN’T have anything BIG to write about when they first began blogging.

In other words, they started a blog and then  *BAM,* something happened that gave them something to write about that they didn’t have when they began.

So, when I started to blog, I pondered,
“Lord?  Isn’t simply writing about life and pointing people to you
and sharing your physical world/spiritual world parallels enough? …. please???
Isn’t it enough to try to encourage people?
Please let it just be a blessing to take photos and share them.  … please.
Lord, I really don’t want anything “NEW” to write about.”

Do you hear me? In other words,
“Lord, please don’t let things get messy and hard.
Keep my life easy, breezy, lemon-squeezy.”

But then … none of us would think or pray
“Lord, please make my life incredibly difficult and messy and sticky
so I can be given a reason to cling to You and search for You
because I’m too lazy to do it without good reason.” Right?
Now, I’m a homeschool Mom and wife of 25 years, penning a blog, having had the rug pulled out from under me. I will soon be a single mom parenting alone. I didn’t expect to be a full-time student so that I could support myself.  I didn’t want my ten year old to be a part of the public school system. I never expected to watch my eighteen and twenty year olds walk through more bitterness and anger than they have ever experienced. *BAM*  There’s something new to write about.

That having been said, I am a temporally and eternally grateful soul.
I am thankful for all of the things of this world that God has given me.
I am thankful for the eternal blessings that God has bestowed upon me.
I am simply thankful – for the good, the bad and the ugly.
Because I know that everything works together in my life to glorify God
and bring me closer to Him.  In current terminology: It’s all good.

I live this out in my life, I write it on my blog (through Makes Me Happy Mondays) and I speak it in with my lips, but I have felt God’s prompting to take my thankfulness one step further. 

I’ve decided to join Ann at A Holy Experience.
I am beginning a One Thousand Gifts gratitude list.
You can read more about it here on Ann’s site
where she also has links posted of other blogger’s lists.

So, why do I tremble as I share this with you?  Well, let’s just say that I don’t want anything else to write about.
I’m sure that you get that. 

A chain of events that all happened yesterday, on my forty-sixth birthday, set this decision into motion.  Or should I say, it confirmed what I already felt was a direction God was leading me.

I began my day with tears.  I hadn’t been out of bed long when my Glory brought me a surprise that was left on our doorstep.  It was a huge, festive balloon attached to a gift bag of treats.  I was so moved to tears because, the sweet friend that gifted me with this had a birthday last week … and I forgot it. Not just any birthday, but her 40th birthday!!  It slipped me by.  Amidst finals and daily chaos, I missed it … completely.  She is one of my dearest friends, one of my favorite people

… and I forgot her.

As I unwrapped her gift, all I could think about was how I had failed her, but she loved me anyway.  I know her well enough to know that she may have been sad that I forgot her day, but it didn’t influence her at all as she prepared to bless me.  She loved me and blessed me without hesitation or ill motivation.  She didn’t hold a grudge.  I stood forgiven and poured upon with blessing.

Like Jesus spoke in parables, paralleling the spiritual and physical worlds, God convicts and teaches me through similar daily events.

And I wept.  I thought of this as the same picture as my God. I forget Him. I ignore Him. I turn away at times … but He is always there, with outstretched arms and a forgiving embrace.  He loves me no matter what.

I posted my morning blog here, sharing photos from the day before of the beauty of the season: mushrooms.  I think they’re beautiful and I am thankful for them and considered it a gift to find so many to joyfully photograph.

I decided it was time to begin my list of One Thousand.  I went to Ann’s page, which is here.  Her writing was also about the season and featured beautiful mushrooms that she had photographed on a recent afternoon walk.  As I opened the page, I   gasped and my eyes became moist.  She writes of moss, missing summer and she asks of the Lord, “Cause me to celebrate your perfect timing.”  Her post … her September 22nd writing was a personal birthday gift to me from my Heavenly Father who knows me so well that He sent me a gift of beautiful images and nostalgic writing…. Ann a stranger in another country – but a kindred heart.

Just a bit later, a friend posted on my FB wall a birthday wish and the verse Psalm 63:3.
The verse says, “Because Your loving kindness is better than life,
My lips shall praise You.”  See that?
I am being reminded to be thankful and praise Him.

Not so many hours later, a friend brought by a gift.

Yes! One more reminder:  Karen, Praise Him.  Give Him thanks.
See the right hand page?  Centered on that page are the words:
“Having a grateful heart is a choice we make.”

God is worthy to be praised.  He is my peace and comfort.  In Him I hang all hope.  He knows my future.  His plans are for me to prosper.  He will not allow me to be harmed.

And so, I begin my One Thousand Gifts list.
For I am grateful.

And I will praise Him.

1) unmerited, unearned, undeserved love …
freely, graciously, gloriously given
2) confirmation from Him that I truly should begin my 1,000 Gifts list
3) mushrooms – scattered, textured, earthy, supple, dappled, moist and lovely

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9 thoughts on “Please don’t make things hard, Lord

  1. Mwaaaa! big birthday kisses atcha for your lovely words. I never once thought of what I should be getting, but of how I could bless you. Because so often (most of the time), I am that person who forgets special moments in others’ lives. I was so excited that I ACTUALLY remembered!! I’m so glad you’re my friend! XOXOXO Lorin

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  2. I was reading A Holy Experienc to my sweet high school friends and specifically talking about the 1000 gifts gratitude list this past weekend. I almost brought it up yesterday morning – yet another confirmation! I’m not going to keep it on a blog but I really want to keep the list as well. What a beautiful way to truly be aware of all the amazing ways our Heavenly Father blesses us

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  3. I hope you don’t mind that I have been reading around a bit here this afternoon. Welcome to the gratitude community.
    I cannot imagine the changes you have been going through… but from the pictures and words you bless us with here, you seem to live with such a beauty . It inspires.
    I look forward to reading more.

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    1. Of course I don’t mind, Deb! So glad that you took some time to read. I hope you will come back. And thank you for the compliments. My camera is my friend and I do so love to write.
      Blessings on you and yours.

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  4. This is new to me. I’ve never followed a blog. I was looking for a sort of map or syllabus (wink) or table of contents. I see now that it’s organized by day. Blogged along. I thot I was in for all 1000 on this particular writing. Then I thought “where are the other 997?” That’s the beaver in my temperament. But the otter opened his eyes to see what I could learn. It’s fine. Take ur time to read the daily thoughts and watch the thought process develop. It’s like having a relationship with the one blogging. Are u called a blogger? Because people who stop up the drain aren’t cloggers, so I want to get the vernacular down. I’ll enjoy reading on.

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    1. GM, you’re making me laugh. I am a “blogger,” yes. Take your time … read as you can. There are categories on the right side bar that organize posts (each day’s writing) by topic. If you’re on the main page, they will show up in chronological order with the most recent being the top post shown.

      Thanks for stopping by. Feel free to comment on any post. Click the “Notify me of follow-up comments” box so I won’t miss you post.

      {{hugs}} and blessings to you.

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