– Prayers Make Me Happy

A few weeks ago, Glory and I took a trip to south Georgia to pick up her new car. We stayed in Cairo with heirloom friends. Della has been one of my best friends since we were first introduced by another heart-song, high school soul mate, Kenneth. I fell for her husband, Jeff, as she did.

Jeff has an offbeat sense of humor.  He has a quirky view of the world, looking underneath …. investigating texture, smell and content …. questioning motive and perspective …. and making observations all along the way. There is no untouchable topic. He happily discusses Rush Limbaugh, sex, plastic cups, drumsticks or recycling.   He isn’t afraid of confrontation or a deep discussion. He makes me think and challenges my perspective. He aches my abs from belly laughs. He hears a different tune and is perfectly happy to march to it’s beat alone, if no one is within arms reach. He digs deep within and gives graciously from that cavernous depth. He thoroughly cherishes his wife.  And he loves her and God fully, deeply, richly, opulently.

After a weekend of fellowship, Della and Jeff and I stood outside in their drive discussing the weekend and bidding our good-byes.  Jeff stood there with his arm around his wife and reached out to “family hug” me goodbye.

Then,
he bowed his head to pray.

I stood there
listening
agreeing
petitioning the Father
with this man
and his wife ….
my friend who has been a friend
for a greater portion of my life
than I spent without her sweet presence.

I stood and listened to his baritone words
reverberate within his barrel chest,
pour from his heart
and lilt upward.Jeff and Della

And I was thankful.
…. thankful for a man not apprehensive to pray for a friend…
…….. grateful for a brother who has an appetite for holy ….
.. appreciative for someone who would do more than just pray for me,
but would pray for me,
over me
and with me.

He prayed for me.
He blessed me.
He made me happy.

And so I share with you this Monday morning
that prayers make me happy.
Friends that pray make me smile.

And I ask you to pray for me, my children and my husband.

I’ve mentioned before that Comedy does not read my blog.
A friend, who has read, suggested that he read my words.
Over the weekend, he did.  I’m thankful for that,
but not surprised by his response.

He and I have always had a different perspective on
… just about everything.
It was a good thing,
because together it gave us balance.
But, it also created struggle.

That struggle continues.

I write here
about the spiritual world seen on this physical planet.
….. about my Heavenly Father that teaches me,
…… about my decision to love that which is unlovely
and embrace the difficult that I might be more Christlike.
I write with gratitude, gratefulness and a happy heart.

He hears me say “woe is me.”
I have tried my best to be honest
while still speaking the truth … from my perspective.
While he does not like
or agree with
many of the things I have written,
they are the things that I have seen and experienced …
from my perspective.
I have tried to be respectful and gracious.

We, he and I,  are reading the same page
from the same book
but read with different eyes
and certainly interpret things differently.

And so he has asked me to quit blogging.

Comedy chose to walk away and not be my leader, my husband.
But, I made a vow to be his wife
and accept his leadership
for better or worse.
I have not always agreed with his decisions,
but have learned that “agreement” with the boss
is not a prerequisite to obedience of the order.

My immediate reaction to Comedy’s request was two-fold:
“NO! I love writing and showcasing my photos” (my flesh talks)
and
“Lord, you’ve already told me this!!” (my spirit talks)

So, I began to ask….
should I quit?

I wrote here
“I guess what it boils down to for me is
if I have to ask the question,
“Is it okay?”
then it probably isn’t.”

In this case:
If I have to ask,
“Do I really have to quit, Lord?”
Then, I probably do.

In this case, I have felt the Lord telling me I needed to change my energy targets.
I stopped blogging on weekends several months ago, saving myself two posts a week.
Typically, a post takes me at least an hour to create.
It involves sitting down to write and re-write,
taking photos and editing them,
creating headers and studying the wordpress site.
I would estimate that I spend at least ten hours a week
or more
with my laptop in my lap
for the blog.

At one time, I had ten hours to share.
At this point in my life,
I no longer have that.

I have one more year to dedicate to school. I really need to focus on learning everything that I can so that I can be as creatively successful as possible. And there is so much to learn.  I want to master many programs and learn all sorts of new tricks,
but I cannot create more time.
I must shift my focus to use my time differently.

This prompting from the Lord
has been echoed in the voice of my husband,
which is a voice that God has used often.

Though my pride wants to continue to show my photos
so that I can have your positive feedback…..
and my spirit wants your encouragement as I share my soul
and walk through this place in my life ….
and my soul needs your accountability  …
a place to share how I feel and what I’m doing
and be open to be called out when rebuke is in order….
I must walk away.
It is time for a more private growth,
accountability
and focus on God.

I have fairly recently begun my personal list of 1,000 Gifts.
I’ve questioned God how I should continue this.  Though I would love to continue my list on-line with photos to tell the story,
even this should become a private documentary.
Which is wonderful….
Because it is truly
His list anyway.

And, as hard as it is to step out,
I look for the place God wants me next.
I would love for my photography to grow.
I want to sell my work
in some fashion.
I will search for the next phase,
chapter,
the next step.

And so, I thank you for your sweet on-line fellowship,
your kind friendship
and your encouraging support.

Prayers make me happy this marvelous Monday morning.
May I ask for your prayers in the weeks and months ahead
as I petition the Father on your behalf as well.

Blessings,

-|<@ren   (pinkcamojeep)

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18 thoughts on “– Prayers Make Me Happy

  1. As much as I loved “reading” my husband through your eyes, I really feel a deep sense of loss over this blog. Your words, thoughts and pictures are of the quality and magnitude that make me eagerly search my toolbar to “see if there’s a new post yet!” While you have definitely been very real and transparent over your disappointment in your marriage’s end, your words about George have been a very small part of what you share with us. In my eyes, your blogs have not been about George, but have been about YOU and your life, struggles, victories, pleasures and pleas. I’m very sorry to see you go and hope you reconsider.

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  2. Oh, Karen. I can hear and feel the ripping, tearing sensation that continues to happen in your life these days. But this very strange principle of suffering and dying (though a grain of wheat fall to the ground), though incredibly unpleasant, brings such a bountiful harvest of solid maturity and love for Jesus. A friend had me memorize Phillipians 4:19: Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God entrust their souls to a loving Creator while doing good. I pray that you entrust your soul to the Father every day while doing good (dropping something dear to you out of odedience). Only He can exchange your mourning for the oil of joy. I have been amazed again and again over the last year(s) to see you allow God to have His way with you. I love you and Comedy and the kids.

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  3. I so, so agree with Della!!! In EVERY way…
    However, there is this caveat: If the Lord Himself has been prompting you to quit the blog, then I certainly don’t want to be gettin’ in HIS way on this. But personally, I do feel the same still……I will certainly continue to pray for all concerned, and I know you know I will. LOVE YOU MUCHLY, AS ALWAYS!

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  4. After reading your Gifts of Beauty post a few minutes ago, I vowed to leave a reply again to let you know how deeply I am touched by the amazing gifts of writing and photography that you so generously share with the world. I have recommended to family members in pain, who are suffering losses that are also not of their choosing, that they read your blog. Your writing is so beautiful and I have no words to tell you how much they mean, even though I do not know you and do not remember how I even found your blog…a gift from your God to me?

    Many years ago I was a single mom of two elementary age children with a full-time position outside the home and no local family support so I truly know the burdens placed on you now. But please consider how much of this decision was based on your husband’s comments. You must separate what is best for you, in all aspects of your very full life, from any influence by him. If not now, then certainly at some point you will have to do so.

    Could you give some thought to continuing your blog, if only on an intermittent basis? I believe that this too is part of your mission; you bring faith to the faithless through your rich, yet not pontificating, religious point of view that shines through in all of your amazing writing.

    I know this is a very long post but I cannot imagine not ever again receiving the blessings of your brilliant blog.

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  5. I hate that you’re not going to blog anymore. I love to read your posts everyday.
    I don’t think you should stop posting just because your “soon to be former husband” doesn’t want you to.
    Not to be disrespectful, but he doesn’t want a part of the marriage anymore. He left the marriage, so that means he has no right to tell you what to do. You don’t have to obey him any longer. He can’t tell you to stop blogging. He doesn’t have any right to ask you to listen to him anymore or do as he asks of you.

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  6. Karen, I only hope you will reconsider your decision to quit your blog. I believe that God gives us gifts, my friend. I truly believe your gift is what you share on these pages. Karen, being obedient to God our Father is truly the number one command in our lives, but have you ever thought that your obedience to your “husband” is not necessarily in line with what God our Father is wanting for you? As I said, God gives all of us gifts, Karen, and the impact you make on other’s lives with your words may just be your gift. Don’t you think by stopping these beautiful words, inspirational photos and the awesome charisma that flows is taking the gift God has given you and putting it under a shade? Please, my friend, reconsider! I will miss all of this!

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  7. Oh Karen…. I am praying for you! I have been there, done that and know all too well how you are feeling. If there is anything that I can do for you or even if you want to talk, yell scream, cry or even just jump up and down I am available to you any time, day or night! My number is 706-306-9399. Thinking about you!

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  8. I appreciate your willingness to die to yourself and to obey your husband and your Lord. you have a very, sweet submissive spirit, Karen. However, it is a huge loss to all who read and are blessed by your sensitive words, captivating photos, and unique perspective. I will greatly miss your blog! Perhaps, in time, you can take it back up again.

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  9. Karen, I did not mean for you to stop blogging. I ask that you stop blogging about me in such a way that the children, especially Anna, will sooner or later read. I do not agree with much that you have written about me and I think it was wrong. I am not the person you wrote such things about. I have always spoken highly of you to Anna and have never uttered a negative word about you to her. I plan on continuing to do just that. “Glory” is right, I do not have the right right to ask you not to stop doing anything and as stated, I did not mean I wanted you to stop blogging. Just please don’t blog about me.

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  10. If I am not allowed to write about you,
    the influence you have had (for 25 years),
    and will continue to have
    as we walk down this path,
    than you narrow my topics for writing
    down to fluff and chaff.
    George, your request is a confirmation from the Lord,
    not my reason for closing the blog.

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  11. It’s your decision, not mine. This is the last time I am reading your blog, unless someone again tells me that you are writing things that are harmful for the children to read. Outside of the well being for the children, whatever you do is totally up to you.

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