Swimming

Can I just say that my head  SWIMS lately!!
Round and round go all sorts of thoughts and ideas ….

I’m thinking through ideas about beauty, self-image/worth, brokenness and being spilled out. I’ve been thinking of how these things are influenced, how our thoughts and ideas are formed and how intricately these things are connected.

I’m finishing my last quarter of instruction at school.  Next quarter will be an internship and a quarter to completely prepare my portfolio. “yikes” *trembles*

But, this quarter involves a fairly easy course involving computer instruction, a huge graphic arts project and a crazy, sounds-like-latin-to-me Economics course that requires an incredible amount of attention!

I need to start considering employment. I’m not a typical kind of person … so I really don’t want to put God into an “employment box.”  I see my options are vast, wide and tremendous.  At the same time, on May 17th, 2011,  I lose all insurance coverage. THAT thought … makes my eye twitch.

I still wonder about what is next for Joy. She is going to try out for a magnet school here in Augusta.  She SHOULD make it and be able to attend next year, but I trust God more than any man’s decision.  If she doesn’t, that’s just a sign that we are to go on to other things.  If she DOES make it and gets there and hates it, is that also the closing of a door that means we should be looking for a way to stay home?

As summer closes out, fall opens up a chance for me to take care of home repairs (like window re-glazing) that couldn’t be completed in hotter, more humid weather. But, I HATE pouring huge amounts of time into caring for mortar and brick when lives are at stake.  I only have a “few” more years before Joy is gone. *sigh*

And then there is that ever gnawing thought that says, “lEaVe iT aLl beHiNd!!” After school ends, we could buy a little travel trailer and I could take Joy and travel all over … schooling as we go. Or we could move into some tiny place, the two of us (after James leaves) and use our excess money to bless and encourage and food and clothe others (through Compassion International or Blood:Water Mission, for example)   We could give our extra time, energy and money to make an impact on the world.  But, HOW? And, when?

And lastly, my van is out of the shop and looks to be well repaired after a very long and costly disabling.  I need to try out a little short-distance travel to see how she’ll hold up.  But …. when? And where?

I always have a few drafts waiting to be completed here on the blog.  I’ll think of some way to write something, jot it down quickly and come back to it later.  Usually, I have about five waiting behind the curtain.  Right now, I have thirty. I just recently realized they have been accumulated and I began to wonder “why?”

In my twirling thoughts, I realized all these unfinished blog posts are there because there are simply SO many things going on …  so many unanswered questions … so many things to consider and ponder as life re-creates itself.

So, I grab the rail, plant my feet on firm foundation and ask myself: Where should I focus “now?”

And I take Flylady’s advice and work in fifteen (to thirty) minute increments. I often find myself off-track (like yesterday, when I had written on my schedule that I would make phone calls from 10:00 to 10:30, but found myself cleaning the fireplace gas started grate instead!!!) and have to r.e.e.l myself back in.

So, how about you?  Are you in a season of settled contentment, or or rapid change?
And how are you handling it? Any tips?

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6 thoughts on “Swimming

  1. Great post! I can relate. I would say I’ve been in a season of rapid change for over a year now. Sending a child to college, husband’s retirement from the Army, quitting my job, putting house on the market, buying one house, selling another, moving, husband now telecommuting and working from home after almost never being home for 20+ years. I have begun to look at these years as transition years. I don’t know how my life will “settle out” after all these shake-ups, but I’ve got my seatbelt on and am trying to enjoy the ride!

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    1. Ya know, Amy, it’s funny because when I was younger, it never occurred to me that there would be a time in my life that would involve more change than the few years that included college, marriage, and moving to another state. But, boy was I wrong. As I look around, there are many people in this twirling state. I think I would be more bothered and frustrated if I didn’t have God. While I wonder how things will flesh out in my life, I don’t really fret (well, at least not OFTEN). I know that I will make it through and that He has my best in mind.
      Thanks for sharing. I’ll keep you & your changes in my prayers. {{hugs}}

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    1. So poignant, isn’t it? No, none of us are alone. No matter where we are in life, there is someone else there, too. It’s a comforting thought.

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