Can I just say that my head SWIMS lately!!
Round and round go all sorts of thoughts and ideas ….
I’m thinking through ideas about beauty, self-image/worth, brokenness and being spilled out. I’ve been thinking of how these things are influenced, how our thoughts and ideas are formed and how intricately these things are connected.
I’m finishing my last quarter of instruction at school. Next quarter will be an internship and a quarter to completely prepare my portfolio. “yikes” *trembles*
But, this quarter involves a fairly easy course involving computer instruction, a huge graphic arts project and a crazy, sounds-like-latin-to-me Economics course that requires an incredible amount of attention!
I need to start considering employment. I’m not a typical kind of person … so I really don’t want to put God into an “employment box.” I see my options are vast, wide and tremendous. At the same time, on May 17th, 2011, I lose all insurance coverage. THAT thought … makes my eye twitch.
I still wonder about what is next for Joy. She is going to try out for a magnet school here in Augusta. She SHOULD make it and be able to attend next year, but I trust God more than any man’s decision. If she doesn’t, that’s just a sign that we are to go on to other things. If she DOES make it and gets there and hates it, is that also the closing of a door that means we should be looking for a way to stay home?
As summer closes out, fall opens up a chance for me to take care of home repairs (like window re-glazing) that couldn’t be completed in hotter, more humid weather. But, I HATE pouring huge amounts of time into caring for mortar and brick when lives are at stake. I only have a “few” more years before Joy is gone. *sigh*
And then there is that ever gnawing thought that says, “lEaVe iT aLl beHiNd!!” After school ends, we could buy a little travel trailer and I could take Joy and travel all over … schooling as we go. Or we could move into some tiny place, the two of us (after James leaves) and use our excess money to bless and encourage and food and clothe others (through Compassion International or Blood:Water Mission, for example) We could give our extra time, energy and money to make an impact on the world. But, HOW? And, when?
And lastly, my van is out of the shop and looks to be well repaired after a very long and costly disabling. I need to try out a little short-distance travel to see how she’ll hold up. But …. when? And where?
I always have a few drafts waiting to be completed here on the blog. I’ll think of some way to write something, jot it down quickly and come back to it later. Usually, I have about five waiting behind the curtain. Right now, I have thirty. I just recently realized they have been accumulated and I began to wonder “why?”
In my twirling thoughts, I realized all these unfinished blog posts are there because there are simply SO many things going on … so many unanswered questions … so many things to consider and ponder as life re-creates itself.
So, I grab the rail, plant my feet on firm foundation and ask myself: Where should I focus “now?”
And I take Flylady’s advice and work in fifteen (to thirty) minute increments. I often find myself off-track (like yesterday, when I had written on my schedule that I would make phone calls from 10:00 to 10:30, but found myself cleaning the fireplace gas started grate instead!!!) and have to r.e.e.l myself back in.
So, how about you? Are you in a season of settled contentment, or or rapid change?
And how are you handling it? Any tips?