A New Thing

We are sitting on a large, comfortable couch .. oversized.

He is to my left, me to his right.
His strong, right arm easily rests across my shoulders
gently, firmly cradling my right arm.
I am safe.
And as I talk to Him,
as I think of Christ with me
as I pray to the Father,
it only feels natural to rest my head on His chest.
Strands of our hair are intertwine.
I can almost feel the warmth of His body on my left cheek,
His presence warming my ear … my cheek.

I experience it every time I am still to pray.
Never have I before … but now, I do.
I know that He is there … more than ever before.
He hears me. He listens. He is there with me.
He wraps His arms around me. He is my friend.

It’s been years since I’ve had someone put their arm around me.

I am not lonely since the divorce. I don’t feel sorry for myself.
I am content and happy.
I have a lot to do. There are many years of energy still to be poured into Joy.
After she is gone,
and my home echoes empty,
I don’t know what I will do.
But, I haven’t spent a night in sorrowful tears.
There haven’t been any big pity-parties.

So, I wonder, why the change? Why do I feel more of a presence of God
a physical presence
than ever before?
I certainly don’t think that HE is the one that has made a move.
He has always been there …. with a space for me … right there on the couch beside Him.

I wonder if my change in attitude TOWARDS Him
is linked to my change in attitude towards MYSELF.

I still remember the story I heard from the pulpit
at least sixteen or seventeen years ago.
It was told by Brian Upshaw as he had the chance in the pulpit
before going off to seminary.
The story was told of an older couple, riding down the road.
The wife was reminiscing about how
when they were younger … newlyweds ….
they would always sit side by side on the front seat.
She turned to her husband and pondered out loud, “What happened?”
The husband simply questioned, “Who moved?”

I’m still pondering beauty … and self-worth … self- acceptance  … self-comfort.
Is my ability to accept that I am worthy and unique and, yes, beautiful ….
that has allowed me to allow Him in?
I don’t know. But, I am thankful
for the presence of a Savior,
that never gave up
that never walked away
that never quit.
He waited,
like a gentleman
for me to
let Him
all
the
way
in.

I continue to pray …. “More, Lord, please.”


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