Single, In a relationship, Married, Divorced, Widowed or “It’s complicated:” those were the only choices for relationship status on Facebook when I first set up my Facebook account several years ago. I found the most fitting choice for my relationship status was the choice, “It’s complicated.” I always love a little dose of comic relief and my marriage certainly was complicated, so it seemed a fitting choice.
At one point, one of my friends, a young man in his late teens, commented,
“Your relationship isn’t ‘complicated,’ you’re MARRIED.”
“Yes, David,” I replied, “I’m married … which is WHY my relationship is complicated.”
When we’re young, we’re so …. disillusioned into believing that once we get married,
everything will be wonderful, glorious and special
or at least uncomplicated and stable …
when, in fact, nothing could be further than the truth.
Marriage involves people …. so marriage is complicated and difficult.
It requires a great deal of work from both parties for it to be successful and fulfilling.
I have given great thought to singleness
in the last year.
I had a newly divorced acquaintance
who is the father of three and only has average father visitation (two weekends a month)
recently say to me
“I am the most happy I have been in my life.”
He lives alone and is responsible for and accountable to absolutely no one
All I could think was, “Well, of course you are happy.
You get to do what you want, when you want, how you want, whenever you want.
There is no one around to hold you accountable or disagree with you on any topic!”
The circular motion of thought in my head is centered upon the differences between
deciphering how to focus upon and please God alone,
the ever changing topography of pleasing a spouse while pleasing God
and living a self-centered life where there
the only one to please is yourself with no regard to pleasing God.
The one thing that I have noticed since becoming single again is that
I now focus solely on God’s desire and design for my life.
What would He have me do to please Him?
I live in constant conversation with Him about what He would want …
rather than in conversation with Him
about what my husband would want.
The huge contrast is that
I used to wonder how I could please God through pleasing my husband …
now I simply focus on pleasing God.
And I wonder …
is there a way to focus …
t.r.u.l.y focus on God …
and be a wife … a friend … a helper … a lover … a soul mate?
If I remarry, do I lose that focus? Is there a way to maintain it?
Because, my experience has taught me that I cannot please God and man …
or maybe I just don’t know how.
Have you seen this illustration? It is one of my absolute favorites
when relating to any relationship
but especially that of a husband a wife.
Whether single, married, divorced or widowed, any relationship we are in will be complicated.
The key seems to be focusing on God first.
I have a great deal to learn about doing this well.