Sometimes … I just want to keep it light
when my thoughts are not.
I am analytical. I process. I wonder, ponder … ruminate.
Other bloggers write about tough stuff ….
but, I worry that I … should be careful.
I let it rule my decisions sometimes.
It has occurred to me
that watching Jeff and Della’s relationship
has damaged me.
Maybe “disillusioned” might be a better word.
Maybe others don’t even see
what I see.
I see him …
and love her with his eyes.
I see her toy with him
and his response.
I see them touch
from across the room.
And I want that.
I’ve always wanted that.
I was never
I was never enough.
Maybe all those “happily ever after”
where he is enthralled with her
are written by women …
My aspiration should be
that God loves me deeper, fuller, richer …
that He knows me so intimately ….
that I give myself to Him so fully …
that HE finds me irresistible.
The reality is …
He does love me that way …
no matter how I behave … or how I look.
He loves me irresistibly
I am, in fact, MORE than enough for God.
I’ve written several times about perspective
and its importance in our lives.
Some of this is seasonal … this struggle …
as my body settles into a more introspective time
and leaves behind the active, moving summer.
It’s a good thing … to think things through.
I need to embrace this settling in.
I think it’s time for another introspective fall camping trip
like this one.
One that allows me to be still and listen
and enjoy my God and His creation …
to photograph all that is beautiful, lovely and autumnal …
time to listen to His still quiet voice
and hear Him.
Because I truly want to be irresistible to Him.
I want HIM to be irresistible to me.
Praise be to God … for drawing me closer.
Ahhh … that fellowship with Him would be my greatest desire.