Tattoo … me?

I want a tattoo. I’ve given this a good bit of thought.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get up the guts to allow the needle to
work on my skin …
but I’ve thought a good deal about it. It might look like this …
or it might say “DON’T DO IT” above of the line
and “bea(you)tiful” underneath.

I want to create cut marks across my wrist with ink.
I want to be reminded that there are hurting and injured women
who struggle and strive.
They inflict injury on themselves …
they hurt themselves
because they hurt.

I want them to see my arm
and ask me if I’ve been a cutter.
I will tell them,
“No, but I marked my body so that you would ask,”
so I can take them by the hands and look into their eyes and say,
“If nobody has ever told you, you are beautiful. You are worthy. You are special.”

I have never taken a razor to my split my skin
blood running down
liquid  life being lost …
but I can almost u.n.d.e.r.s.t.a.n.d it.

Because I’ve never been enough –
thin enough
smart enough
beautiful enough.

And for years, I didn’t like myself.
Now that I am single, I feel less pressure to
try to be m.o.r.e.

Now … I set the standard.
I love myself through and through.
I love the skin I’m in.
I am happy and content.
And I know … that I a.m beautiful.

But, there are those
that do not know.
Nobody has ever told them.
And I want to tell them what nobody told me:
you.are.beautiful.
You don’t have to be thinner, smarter, stronger …..
You are beautiful … just like you are.
No matter what anyone has told you,
you are beautiful.

If not cut marks,
I’d like two or three small leaves and a portion of the verse
Isaiah 55:12
written on my wrist … sort of curling around like a skin-clinging, ink bracelet.
The words would say,
“the trees of the field shall clap their hands”
I want every opportunity to declare that His glory is wonderful and awesome
and to proclaim the verses that say the rocks will cry out (Luke 19:40)….
and that the trees do proclaim and sing to Him.
All creation points to Him.
How do people miss this?
How?

When an EMT comes to your rescue as you
lay on the road
or in a ditch
or in our kitchen …
the first thing he does is reach for your wrist
to look for a pulse.

My other tattoo of choice would be the words
“organ donor”
to be placed there upon my tender wrist skin.
Yes, my driver’s license is marked that I am an organ donor.
But, what if it is not near!
What if my purse was thrown from my car as I flipped.
What if my children are there and they don’t remember to tell the doctors or EMT ..
“Mom wants to save lives – don’t let her body go.”
I want to make sure.
I want to know that they know.
I want “organ donor” scrawled in ink
across my pulse point …
the first place that a doctor, nurse or EMT would reach
if I was sprawled out across the ground with injury.

Will I be brave? Will I take the time and energy to make one of these statements … come to life? I don’t know. But, if I had the guts and the money and the gumption, I’d have one … or all three … of these penned on the living, growing, regenerating paper of my life.

And so … I ponder back on the words of our guest pastor on Sunday.
“Hear … Heed … Hurry”

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9 thoughts on “Tattoo … me?

  1. It is a lot easier to just wear an engraved
    bracelet that says the things you want then if you get tired of it, you can change it.

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  2. But, Lisa, I’ve never been interested in “easy,” ya know? That’s just it … I want to take it a step further. I want it to be noticeable. I want it to be a statement that I care enough to make it permanent. I ache for those that ache. It just seems like a small thing to do to possibly have a life changing impact on a life.

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  3. Just a thought, and perhaps difficult to share with people I don’t know, but here goes.
    I am 49 years old. But when life dealt me my hardest blow, when I was going through my divorce just six years ago, I was soooo hurt. I hurt and hurt and hurt till I couldn’t hurt anymore…And then I felt nothing…Just. nothing. And that’s when I understood, as you say, cutting. I never did it. Probably never even really wanted to. But understood it. I thought about those who do, and thought it was sometimes about when you don’t feel anything anymore, and you cut to make yourself feel something, even if it is pain. Just to feel something.
    Isn’t it amazing how God uses your own pain sometimes to help you understand where others are, and where they are coming from. What they might feel…
    The other day a man approached me at a gas station, for a “little help”…he only asked for a dollar and a half, but was really grateful when I filled his little gas can. It was kind of ” an honor” for me…because he really appreciated it. And I was thankful, because I knew how he felt then.
    I’ve been low enough on just plain cash that I really knew what he was feeling, and somehow knowing that we are more alike than we are different was a good feeling to me..

    Anyway, I love your cool thoughts!
    Lisa

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  4. Aask yourself, “Who will I offend by wearing a tattoo? A Grandmother or someone else that you are trying to influence for Christ might see it as rebellion!

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  5. GloryGrin,
    This one is a TOUGH one for me … because I just can.not discern. I’m such a legalist at heart. If I am not to offend any.one.at.all … well … I can’t even begin to grasp that. A head covering would offend some. A tatt others. Blue jeans offend some. Short shorts offend others. You knew me when I only wore dresses, had long hair, ground my own wheat for homemade bread and homeschooled – and I still offended my own husband. He didn’t even like me. Ya know? This is SUCH a tough principle for me.

    SO … the way I view it IS … the only way I have found to be able to figure out how to personally navigate this verse without losing my mind …. is ….. I do my best to glorify God in my words, thoughts and actions as I go about daily life. I ask the Holy Spirit to live, move and breathe within me to direct me. I make sure that my thoughts/words are clean and that I edify Him and that my clothing is modest. I constantly ask God to use me to bless and that I would make a difference in the lives of others on a daily basis (Ask my kids. They know this is my true prayer). No matter my company, I try to behave the same that people will know I am authentic through and through. And if I offend in this behavior, so be it. I cannot control every person’s list of likes and dislikes … offenses and preferences.

    I may never get a tattoo. I WANT one … that God would use it to minister to others. Does He approve? I can’t figure that out. Which is the main reason that I haven’t gotten one … that …. and I’m a pain-chicken. haha

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  6. Hmmm… not a fan of needles, so I have no tatt. Actually, I cannot think of something that I want permanently attached to my body that is not already there.

    I have had someone cut herself in front of me. She was trying to shame me for turning her in for molesting her own son. I tackled her and took the razor away. I know how badly she was abused. I know that she was reinacting it with her son. I knew I had to protect him. I tried to protect her. I had to make some awful choices. She had to make some awful choices. Because of what somebody did to her when she was a child. I knew what cutting was about before that, but now that I’ve seen it… I don’t know. I still know why it is done. But I’ll never be the same since I’ve seen it.

    I don’t have answers. I just came back to tell you that I was thinking of you because I saw this:http://www.blog.powersportswraps.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/pink-jeep-1.jpg

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  7. Thanks for sharing the photo. That is similar to my dream vehicle. I don’t know why but it’s something that I’ve wanted for years and years. Maybe one day?

    I think there are probably cutters all around us. And the thing is, we don’t see them. And we don’t know what to say to them. But, they’re wounded and in such pain. I’d love to have a way to make an impact on them. I want to tell them, “you.are.beautiful.” I think the tatt would be a good conversation opener.

    Again, don’t know if I’ll ever have peace that it’s fully okay … like so many areas in my life – I’m praying for God’s direction and blessing.

    Thanks for writing, Carolyn.

    {{hugs}} and blessings,
    -|<@ren

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