Intimate Directions

When we travel, before I crank the van, I pray over the van and pull up directions. I use the gps on my iPhone WITH a Garmin gps as a backup to direct me. Often, the two give me conflicting directions. I have enough trouble moving from Point A to Point B WITHOUT conflicting directions.

Before leaving Atlanta a few weeks ago, Stone asked me how I would travel home. I admitted that I wouldn’t know until I entered my address into the gps. He requested that I go ahead and see which directions might come up.  As soon as he saw the results, he began to verbally explain to me another route. I am good with “turn right at the first light…..,” but thereafter, I am lost. I have no direction-instruction-memory.  So, he asked for a sheet of paper from my backpack and began to write.

With the van door swept open wide, his right leg lifted to create a stable writing surface, he began to write.

Joy and Jet were in the street … Joy practicing ollies and on her skate board  …. Jet screaming back and forth on his bicycle, making tight turns with each return in our direction.

As Stone wrote, he spoke … explaining turn by turn.
But, the words are useless. They are like latin to me. They are a foreign language. I know this. It is not new for me. I can follow turn-by-turn directions AS I drive, but they are useless when given verbally ahead of time.

So, I don’t listen …
rather I choose to kiss his neck
repeatedly ….
there in the drive
with children zooming by …
God and everybody watching
leaves of fall gently falling on the drive … the yard … the walkway.

I am not inappropriate. I am quiet and still.
I am not touching him in a way that I should not.
The children may see, but I am prudent.
I care about this man.
Soon, I will drive away …
and I will miss him.
I want to be still and remember him …
the touch of his skin, his breathing, his voice ….

Stone’s words when we F.I.R.S.T decided to camp together were
“Let’s don’t mess this up with sex” ….
both of us well aware that there is risk involved
in some relationships
if the parameters aren’t detailed from the start.
He put bluntly
what I thought delicately.
Long before Stone and I reconnected,
but after our failed marriages
we both made individual vows before the Lord that we would do everything within our power
to remain pure until that time that we re-marry … IF we re-marry.
I know that I cling to 1 Corinthians 10:11.
If God will save me from myself by throwing popcorn on the floor when I am eating
but know that I am not hungry ….
or if He allows Glory to drop a box of cereal when she is disobeying ….
SURELY He will provide a way out, should I allow myself to be in a position to be tempted sexually.
If I have asked Him for help and yearn for that deeply … but allow myself to venture to a place
that I do not realize, in my naiveté,  there is danger,
I trust that He will shake me and get my attention
and provide me a way out …
at least offer it.

Because he is self-disciplined and focused, he does not seem to notice me there.
I want to be irresistible … but find that I am not.
I want to make him weak …. weak-kneed and tender towards me …
I want him to miss me.
He continues to write and speak.
I say, “I want to make you weak.”
I do not mean sexually,
but surely my timing was inappropriate.
Without a blink … without hesitation or thought
he quotes scripture.
“Greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world.”

And I am emotionally thrown to the ground
my heart rightly pierced through and through
with conviction
and in admiration
as I again wonder
“How is it that I am so blessed
to call this man ‘friend’?”

My words and actions did not line up with my heart’s intent or my verbalized conviction
when viewed through Stone’s eyes.
I am learning that the physical line that I draw in the sand
allows too much leeway for a man.
No one has ever taught me this.
How does one know, lest they are taught?

I am thankful …
for a man who walks his talk ….
a man of integrity, strength and self-discipline.

Praise be to God.

. . . . . . . .

Note: This post is a follow up for the one above.

9 thoughts on “Intimate Directions

  1. When he quoted scripture to you I just jumped up in my seat and yelled ” YES!”… he’s a keeper. But do not make him do all the work. One day he might just be too weak. I pinned this to one of my Pinterest boards the other day “Don’t give up what you want most for what you want now!” Happy for you friend… glad you have found such a wonderful man of God.


  2. That was me … so thankful … but not jumping for joy, just floored and convicted.
    I’ve made many decisions to protect myself (and him). I think we’re a good match for sharing the load of this responsibility. But, he is definitely showing me that the line not to cross is in a different place than I have been shown. It’s a good thing.
    He’s.such.a.neat.guy. I swoon.
    Let me add … about “He’s a keeper.” First, remember, I’ve prayed God would take him away if he’s not a gift for me to enjoy. And … it’s all a God thing anyway. I don’t know if he’ll choose to keep me, but, at least for today … now … this weekend, it’s a wonderful thing to have such a friend.


  3. Wow. This floored me so much – that you would write it for all of us, that he passed the test that no guy in my life ever passed (not that I was purposely testing anyone). I’ve been on delayed reaction. I wish I had been taught some better physical boundaries, for too many reasons to list. Yay for Stone!


    1. Carolyn,

      Just the other day, a friend was telling me how she wouldn’t be able to share some of the personal things that I share. I’ve mentioned before that there are few taboos in my book. I guess it’s just the way I’m built. I figure, for the most part, we’re all built basically the same. So, what I share, might encourage someone else. Because, we all faulter, flail and fail, right?

      And, like you, I wasn’t intentionally testing. None-the-less, he passed when I failed. But, it’s a good thing. God used it. I struggled with this particular post just a bit, because I’m once again sharing HOW I’ve failed miserably. But, God certainly used Stone in such a simple way to teach me … one.more.lesson. I’m thankful. …. so I share.

      I’m ever so grateful that you’re reading and appreciate your comments/ our exchanges.

      Blessings to you, my friend.

      – k@ren


      1. Karen, there are times when I write things that give others pause because I am so candid. I am blessed that my husband often reads them beforehand and encourages me to publish what God has put on my heart. Nothing like having a built in cheerleader, I guess.

        I definitely want you to keep sharing. It seems to be helping both of us, so I imagine it might be helping a lurker or two.

        And there is nothing bad about sharing failures. His strength will be made perfect in our weakness. This time He showed His strength through Stone, but it was definitely His strength. He promised to give us a way out of temptation. If that way for you is Stone quoting scripture, so be it.

        Loving getting to know you. Wishing Georgia was not so far away. The photos you post are beautiful. I would love to go see some of those places with you.


  4. Man, this was a blessing.. In a lot of ways.
    I wish to have a real man like that. Who will tell me “no”, and then bust a scripture on me.
    That right there, was a POW, right in the kisser! moment.. I was convicted right along with you!

    Im happy that you can be so open. You never know who is going through the same thing. I appreciate this.
    Thank you ❤


    1. Ekk,

      I can’t tell you how much it means that
      you are young and wonderful and impressionable and teachable …
      and you read. It touches me.

      I knew there were guys like him out there … but, I never thought that I would have one in MY life. It’s really all just a God-thing though. So, keep your eyes on HIM and wait for HIS timing. As time goes on, I wonder, “Had I been more diligent when I was young, would I have found such a man?”

      Anyway, thanks for sharing and reading. I love you, girl.

      – k@ren


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