I have written Stone notes to say thank you for allowing us into his life … for sharing himself and his son. Surely it was difficult for him to let us peek into his life – their world … a man’s world of testosterone, work, crocs with dinosaur shoe charms, rocks, camping and man-things … women being unpredictable and full of estrogen, an uncommon element in their sphere of understanding. After our trip to Lake Winfield Scott, I slipped a rose from the vase that graced the picnic table through out weekend of gorgeous weather and fresh air. I laid it beside the Rodeo seat as a reminder of our presence in their weekend. It would wilt before they arrived home … but so would I, missing them … Stone and Jet. On our first visit to the man-place in ATL, I left a note in the kitchen cabinet and one on the shelf inside Stone’s medicine chest …. simple little handwritten notes … “You are wonderful” … because he is.
Before leaving home last Friday for another visit in Atlanta, I tucked a chilly, metal heart from my jewelry tree’s nest of leaves into my train case with the intention of leaving it somewhere sweet at Stone’s house before returning home … a reminder of my presence in his life.
The month before when Joy and I had gone up for our first visit, I accidentally dropped a silver cross from my purse into the floorboard of Stone’s car. It had graced a necklace, but I had taken it off the chain earlier in the day. It is a charm that I wear often and enjoy. Stone picked it up off the floor and laid it safely in a coin holder in the console where it remained for a month.
As we packed our sweet van this past Sunday afternoon with skateboard and luggage, pillows and backpacks, I quickly slid into Stone’s clean vehicle to pick up the cross. While I tried to be stealthy, Stone stepped outside just as I was grabbing the cross. “Oh, don’t take it,” he said with a smile, “It reminds me of you when I see it.” I smiled and picked it up anyway, knowing I had a plan. Later, I slipped that steely heart out of my front jean pocket where it was warm against my body … and into the coin holder of his vehicle …. exchanging the cross for my heart.
Yesterday, as I thought about Sarah’s words ….
God’s words typed through the conduit of Sarah’s keyboard ….
I shared my heart with a friend in a phone conversation
and it hit me ….
I put forth great effort in two separate motions …
two different, unrelated areas …. and
in doing so …
I made parallel motions in one fell swoop.
In the physical world, on Sunday afternoon
I intentionally removed a Cross from Stone’s vision ….
… simultaneously …
I had been striving to
to quietly …. without detection
cause my own heart … life … self
to be the center of Stone’s thought life …
I want to be irresistible.
I want it to be
all about me. *mourns*
Do you see that?
I had made great effort
to switch The Cross
with my own cold heart. *tear*
Not only had I been trying,
but Stone has resisted my action
and I have persisted
preferring MY reminder (a heart)
over His (a Cross).
I could see it so clearly. My desire has been to be irresistible …
to weaken him … I want to be the center of his thought life …
and IF I succeed in this effort to make MY heart the focus of his attention
I am successfully removing The Cross from his focus.
please forgive me.