I can’t stop crying.
And it’s wonderful.
I spent years and years stuffing my emotions
because they made some people uncomfortable.
It was made known to me that I was too emotional.
There was no arm-around-the-shoulder, “Awww, come here.”
I received more of a “You’re crazy. Stop being emotional” response.
So, I learned to hold it in.
and I was proud of myself.
I could keep myself together in any situation.
Anybody could say or do whatever they wanted.
I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t get emotional. I’d just keep going.
You could even walk out on me and leave me all alone …
and I’d just keep moving ahead. No tears.
I was a well-conditioned machine …. numb.
It’s tragically sad, really.
But, oh how weary and dull that leaves us …. living like zombies going through life.
But, God is ever-so-gently tearing down more walls. I am grateful.
As I worked last weekend on a project, I chose to add some decoupaged little foliage in patterned paper. I knew the shape I wanted. So, I drew out the shape, drew it onto a piece of plastic and formed myself a little stencil.
I cut out the stencil and began working on making a small handful of these precious little shapes for my project.
In the most giddy sort of way, I got so excited. I’m not sure why but I LOVE this shape. It really makes me happy.
As I finished with that sharp x-acto, I sat there amazed at the paper pieces
in different colors
but all the same
and I got teary.
I mean …. look at those. ^^^ Just LOOK at them!!!!
Aren’t they gorgeous? I LOVE them! LOVE them!!!
With little tears welling up in my eyes, I sat there asking God “WHY?”
Why does this move me? What is it about patterns … paper … and nature
that stirs something within?
I found no answers
but I’m ever-so-grateful.
Days move ahead.
I take steps daily to live in greater freedom
from the nay-sayers out there
and the gremlins within
that want me to live quiet, hidden and paralyzed by trying to please others.
And today, I am reminded that these tiny patterned cut outs of nature
make me really, really happy.
I don’t know why, but I don’t HAVE to know the why to know that it’s real.
What about you?
What has made you happy recently?