You know what really made me happy recently?
Being okay with being alone.
No, actually …. being HAPPY about being alone
made me happy.
Jason Mraz came to Augusta to serenade us with his lyrics, tunes and instruments.
He has been one of my favorite musicians for years and years. As soon as the tickets went on sale, I grabbed one.
So, I would leave my house alone.
I would arrive alone.
I would stand in line alone.
And I would sit and listen and soak in the beauty … alone ….
in a crowd of 2,000.
After years of being a homeschool family of five that did everything together
to being a family of 2-3 after a kid and husband moved out
to now being a family of two in the house (just me and the youngest),
life continues to change.
And the youngest often has to work in the evenings, so we don’t get to do things together.
So, now, it’s most often ….. just me.
For years I dreamed about when the children move out and move on
and I would be able to fully and totally focus on my spouse again.
How could I bless him? What would make him happy? What would be fun for him?
I was SO looking forward to being a married couple with freedom to go and do
and enjoy what we WANTED to do
rather than what family-life dictated.
I find myself instead alone to go and do.
And you know what? It’s been wonderful.
I’ve dated some since becoming single.
Being in a relationship – whether married or not – is complicated and a great deal of work.
But right now ….
I don’t have to worry if my outfit will please the man I’m with,
or if I’ll say something that will be upsetting to the balance (or lack thereof) in the air,
or if my stopping to talk to a friend for ten minutes
or snap a half-dozen pictures
will be considered irritating.
I can go where I want,
do what I want
and know that I don’t have to fret over upsetting anyone.
This is bliss, I tell you. Pure, unadulterated, wonderfully-freeing bliss.
So, I arrived early (because I didn’t have to wait for anyone).
I stood in line and chatted with those in front of me and behind me.
I EASILY found a seat near the front because I just needed space for my one little fanny
not two or three or five of them.
While we waited for the stage to be taken,
I found myself in wonderful conversation with all of those around me.
The couple beside me was from Charleston (where James now lives)
but just moved there from Raleigh (where Glory now lives).
I discussed what makes a good BBQ sandwich with the couple to my right
as they sucked BBQ sauce off their dripping fingers
having just brought down two HUGE BBQ sandwiches from a vendor.
Another couple was there from out-of-town with their awesome son
who had met and played guitar with Jason at another concert
and had nothing but kind things to say about Jason, his talent and his spirit.
We watched ominous clouds
roll past in the distance
and I prayed they could stay in the distance
and they did. Praise God.
As Jason played, boats meandered in and kayaks followed.
There were kids and dogs and cool-down splashes and ….
it was just so neat!
Jason even played to the crowd to his rear
that were privy to his waterside tunes for free.
He turned to them and spoke to them and sang to them from time to time.
He was so gracious!
As the sun began to set, I snuck down to the stage and snapped a few shots
of the golden light
and the calm.
It was ethereal to me … poetic and dreamy and so easy.
This being alone just gets easier
as I relax and become more me than I’ve ever been …
more me than who someone else wants me to be
and more me than the me that I thought I should be
before he and she and them
began to impress upon me
that I was too much of this
or too little of that.
It’s a new freedom and I love it.
So, bring on the solo concerts.
Bring on the solitary kayak trips and independent camping trips.
Bring on the stag social events and the solitary moves.
And bring on the days and nights of being the only one in my home.
I’m ready for them.
I’m excited for them.
And I’m so very happy to be alone.
What about you?
What makes you happy this marvelous Monday morning?